Studying annotated model essays is one of the most efficient ways to understand what Band 7 writing looks like in practice. This article presents a complete Band 7 opinion essay on the topic of artificial intelligence and employment, with detailed examiner-style commentary explaining every decision — from the thesis statement through to the conclusion — across all four assessment criteria.
1The Question and Planning Process
Question: 'Some people believe that artificial intelligence will lead to widespread unemployment in the near future. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.' Planning before writing is essential. For this question: (1) Define your position — do you strongly agree, strongly disagree, or partially agree? (2) Identify 2 main supporting reasons for your position. (3) Decide whether to include a concession paragraph. For Band 7, a strong 4-paragraph response (introduction, 2 body paragraphs, conclusion) is more reliable than an ambitious 5-paragraph response that lacks development. Position chosen: partially agree — AI will displace low-skill jobs but create higher-value ones.
2Introduction and Thesis (Band 7 Commentary)
'The rise of artificial intelligence has prompted considerable concern about its potential to eliminate millions of jobs across diverse industries. While I acknowledge that AI will cause significant displacement in certain sectors, I believe it will ultimately generate more employment than it destroys by creating entirely new industries and enhancing human productivity.' [Commentary — Task Response: Position is clear (partial agreement). Thesis signals both sides of the argument. Lexical Resource: 'considerable concern', 'displacement', 'ultimately', 'productivity' — all precise and appropriate. Grammatical Range: Uses subordinate clause ('While I acknowledge…') and nominal clause ('I believe it will…'). Introduction is 2 sentences — concise and effective.]
3Body Paragraphs (Band 7 Commentary)
Body 1: 'It is undeniable that AI poses a genuine threat to employment in roles characterised by repetitive, rule-based tasks. Manufacturing, data entry, and basic customer service functions — traditionally performed by low-to-middle income workers — are already being automated at significant scale. The retail sector illustrates this clearly: self-checkout systems have replaced thousands of cashier positions in developed economies, with no comparable alternative employment generated locally.' [Commentary: PEEL structure clearly followed. Specific example (retail self-checkout). Lexical Resource: 'characterised by', 'rule-based tasks', 'at significant scale'. Grammatical Range: Em-dash usage, passive construction.] Body 2: 'Nevertheless, history consistently demonstrates that transformative technologies destroy some jobs while creating many more in new domains. The internet, initially feared as a disruptor of retail employment, eventually generated entire industries — from digital marketing to cybersecurity to app development — employing far more people than the retail roles it displaced. Similarly, AI is already creating demand for specialists in machine learning engineering, AI ethics, and data science, fields that barely existed a decade ago.' [Commentary: Historical counter-argument. Specific parallel to internet. 'Similarly' transitions cleanly to main point.]
4Conclusion and Overall Score Justification
Conclusion: 'In conclusion, while the short-term disruption caused by AI to certain employment sectors is real and should not be minimised, I remain persuaded that its long-term capacity for job creation will ultimately prevail. The key challenge for governments and educational institutions is to ensure that retraining programmes help displaced workers transition into the new roles that AI will inevitably generate.' [Commentary: 2 sentences. Restates thesis without copying introduction. Adds a forward-looking recommendation appropriate for a partial-agreement conclusion. No new argument introduced.] Overall Band 7 Justification: Task Response (7): Addresses all parts, clear position, well-developed. Coherence (7): Logical flow, PEEL structure, appropriate connectors. Lexical Resource (7): Varied, precise vocabulary throughout. Grammatical Range (7): Mixed sentence types, no significant errors.
🎯 Key Takeaway
Analyse this model by first attempting the same question yourself, then comparing your response paragraph by paragraph. The differences you notice — in vocabulary precision, structural discipline, and development depth — are your personalised list of things to practise before your next test attempt.